he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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