I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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