i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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