Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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