I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
