O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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