I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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