Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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