Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
