mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
