Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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