I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
