No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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