Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
