theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
