Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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