can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
