So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
