I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
