My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Vodka?
Forever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
