I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
