Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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