I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
