i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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