I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
