i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
