the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
