Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
