Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
