you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
