I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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