i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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