I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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