Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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