i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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