Cold hands, warm shart.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
