I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
