wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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