ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
