After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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