i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
