Non-Jews are for practice
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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