Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
