At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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