My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
