party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
