you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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