I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
