Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.