so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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