Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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