He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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