I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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