I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
