I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize