Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just forgot I was standing up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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