his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We are two peas in an std pod
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
