I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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