i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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