I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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