I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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