your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
