Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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