yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
