so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
