My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
